The Power of Words: How to Use Verbal Skills for Self-Defence
Learn to use your voice in self defence
Introduction
Verbal skills are usually an under practiced and misunderstood set of skills in self defence. They are however crucial and required to increase your chances of success in a self defence situation.
To understand how to use the verbal skills discussed in this article we must first look at the different types of violence encountered in self defence.
Social violence- This is a conflict driven violence that is not pre planned but instead happens spontaneously in a social context for example accidentally spilling your drink on someone and the person getting angry. This type of violence can be deescalated using verbal skills learnt in a self defence class.
Criminal violence- This is a pre planned, predatory type of violence and cannot be deescalated. Instead the person who is subject to this type of encounter must use their verbal skills to set clear boundaries and give clear warnings. If these warnings are not heeded you must strike preemptively to create the best chance of escape.
In today’s article we will explore how these types of violence can be managed using verbal skills learnt in our self defence classes.
De-escalating Social Violence
As discussed above social violence (which is usually Ego-driven conflicts, arguments, status disputes.) can be deescalated verbally and physically violence avoided.
To deescalate social violence and self defence student must learn to develop calm and confident communication skills while learning to avoid to say things that may inflame the situation. These are developed in through live scenario drills in a self defence class.
Techniques to deescalate:
Listen: Show that you are listening to your aggressor. Sometimes people just need to be heard to calm down.
Empathize: Show that you understand their pain and frustration. This can help to find common ground and help validate their emotions.
Ask: Ask them questions, this not only shows that you are listening but that you are taking what they say seriously.
Paraphrase: Repeating what they say will once again validate their feelings and help them feel heard.
Summarize: By summarizing what your aggressor is saying you will show that you understand them and are taking what they say seriously.
Remember if these techniques do not work and the situation escalates to being potentially violent you must preemptively strike in order to escape.
Setting Boundaries and Verbal Warnings in Criminal Violence
Criminal violence is predatory by nature. A criminal hunts their pray and like all predators looks for an easy victim. This is a very different beast to a socially violent encounter and must be handled differently with verbal skills used to set clear boundaries and give warnings.
How to deal with criminal violence verbally:
Ask: If you are approached by a criminal the first stage is to politely ask them to leave you alone. They may not be a criminal so being polite can stop the situation from escalating into a socially violent situation. For example if someone asks you for directions or the time, politely declining to help and getting away is much safer than being assertive from the get go.
Tell: If at this point the person is being insistent, then you must now be more assertive. You must tell them to leave you alone using clear language e.g. Can you leave me alone, can you please back up. This will create a clear boundary and show the criminal you are not an easy victim. This may be enough to stop the confrontation.
Tell again: If they continue to persist after the first warning you must now be more direct and assertive. This will also mean raising your voice and getting ready to preemptively strike! A person can say things such as: Stay Back! If you don’t back off I am going to scream.
Act: If none of the above has worked then the only option is to act. This will include using preemptive strikes and using the strategies and tactics learnt in self defence classes to escape.
Drawing Attention and Asking for Help
Criminals prefer easy targets, people who won’t draw attention to themselves and create a scene. Learning to use your voice effectively to deter an attacker can literally be a life saver. Here are some ways we can use our voice:
Calling out clear, specific phrases to deter an attacker and draw attention to yourself (“Back off!” “Help! Fire!”).
Getting help from bystanders by making eye contact and giving direct commands (“You in the red jacket, call the police!”). People are more likely to help if you tell them what to do.
Moving towards safer areas while calling for help. Such as a high street or shop.
Conclusion
Verbal skills are a powerful yet often overlooked aspect of self-defence. Whether deescalating social violence, setting boundaries with potential threats, or drawing attention to deter an attacker, the ability to use your voice effectively can be the key to avoiding physical confrontation.
Understanding the difference between social and criminal violence allows you to apply the right verbal strategies in each situation. Social violence can often be diffused through calm communication, while criminal violence requires clear, assertive warnings and decisive action when necessary. Additionally, knowing how to call for help and engage bystanders can be a lifesaving skill.
At our self defence classes, we teach all these verbal skills through realistic scenario training, helping students develop confidence in their ability to handle confrontations. By practicing these techniques in a safe environment, you can learn to stay in control, protect yourself, and increase your chances of staying safe in real life situations.